The emotional cost of moving away
NEW SONG in the works that's taking me to the depths
A new song came to me last Saturday and it took me out.
I didn’t leave my bed all day. I blinked and it was 4 pm. I had abandoned my body for my spirit, and I suddenly became conscious of this neglect. My bladder was about to burst and my belly growled, empty.
Then I spotted all the snotty, wadded up tissues on the floor. Wait, was I crying at some point?
Earlier that morning, I had sat down to write a song on a deep subject. I had sat down to finally reckon with a question that my family has been asking me for years.
Family Dynamics in Music
Rewind to 2021, I released Faraway and it’s essentially a mother-daughter song.
Listen here:
During the pandemic, being away from family was especially challenging. I was in Bali, while they were in Tennessee. The 3 years of distance weighed heavily on all of us. I was drowning in mom guilt — the worst feeling in existence. If you know, you know.
So I wanted to write a song to comfort my mom and reassure her that though I’m far away, I’m living my dream. That I’m grateful, and I’m thinking of her.
I wanted to weave this sentiment into a memory.
My mom used to drive my sisters and I to the St. Matthews Public Library every week to pick out books. Every night, she and my dad would read to each of us. What a priceless gift that many children never get. And it shaped me into the avid reader, writer, and storyteller I am today.
Catch this early 2000’s home video clip of me climbing our backyard tree. I nestle into a seated position and say, “Armchair association, and ready to read a book!” That big gap-toothed smile 🥹
Here’s an excerpt from Faraway:
The pre-chorus (and the hook of the song) is from my mother's point of view: Honey, what's out there for you Won't you come home soon I'm missing you Then in the chorus I answer her: In a dream thanks to you Can't say I'll be home soon Still haven't found my glory But I've got some bedtime stories
Recently, Faraway has raised a question for me.
Was it a genuine expression? Or was it my way of emotional caretaking across the globe? Or was it both simultaneously?
Like many families, we had our dynamics. My parents are GREAT people and I genuinely believe they did their best to raise us. I wouldn’t change anything about my childhood.
AND,
I still live with the effects of my co-parenting role, the emotional caretaking, and years of being the family cheerleader.
When I moved abroad in 2017, my mom asked a question that many parents probably wonder:
“What're you running away from, all the way over there?”
It’s a confronting question that has sparked years of self-reflection.
Last week, it started reverberating around my heart again.
The Songwriting Process: Answering That Damn Question
This new song, ironically, raises even more questions for me. I’ve posted the lyrics below.
The Draft Evolution
V1 - Initial chord progression and melody exploration
V2 - Added some lyrics and refined the chorus structure - struggled to make a chorus. I sent this to a mentor of mine and got some feedback.
V3- Now 3 verses, need 1 more, found an ok chorus - I guess I sped it up too?
Lyrics & Chords (as it stands now):
VERSE D D6 I’ve got bad posture and I can’t sleep Dmaj7 D A slouch my mama passed down to me D D6 Born in the middle, strained to hold up the frame Dmaj7 D The peacekeeper daughter, she’s so wise for her age D D6 I get another call, Syd, “you gotta come home” Dmaj7 D Mom’s depressed, I can’t fix her all alone D D6 And you gotta call Shel, she’s got big issues Dmaj7 D Am7 Talk some sense into her, she only listens to you G Gm Only you D D6 It’s no one’s fault and everyone’s at once Dmaj7 D It’s collateral damage from deeds long done D D6 I can’t say when it happened, generations ago Dmaj7 D I’m doing all the runnin' for the women before CHORUS D I’m a runaway train D6 I’m blowing off steam Dmaj7 I'm a runaway horse G I’m kicking bolting D I’m a runaway bride D6 My heart is torn Dmaj7 I’m a runaway fire G Gm And I’ll have you warned D Dmaj7 D7 I’m just a runaway all my own D Dmaj7 D7 I’m just a runaway all my own
Notes & Next Steps
This is personal storytelling at its core. Is it too personal? *cringes*
“I’m just a runaway all my own.” That lyric is a placeholder for now. It want to find something more profound, packing a punch and tying the story together more.
Mixed metaphors happening in the chorus — are they confusing or do they drive the point home?
Still need 1 more verse. A bridge, maybe.
I have another song with a similar chord progression. I need a more experienced guitar player to help me diversify it a bit. Anyone?
This is far from the final song. Just wanted to show you all a glimpse into my raw creative process — sometimes it takes you down to the depths, but that's where your truth lives.
A New Project Taking Shape
Most of the time, I write songs willy-nilly. But what if I could be more intentional, and create a cohesive album with impact? An album that could help people?
The modern narrative often glorifies leaving home to "make it" somewhere else, but we rarely address the unintended consequences.
I want to write an album exploring what it really means to leave home.
The freedom, the adventure, the expansion, and...
Coming back home and realizing it’s not the same—or maybe you’re not the same
That weird guilt of “leaving people behind”
How leaving changes the way you see yourself—and how your family sees you
The constant push and pull between wanting roots and craving novelty
Finding home within yourself instead of a physical place
The universal need to belong, no matter where you end up
I’ve been paying the emotional cost of leaving home for 8 years. While we celebrate the new opportunities in leaving, we rarely talk about the sacrifices, and how it affects both those who leave and those who stay.
Today, people are moving away from home more than ever, for university, work, or new beginnings. Even if people don’t physically leave home, many experience the emotional "leaving" as they grow and evolve. I want to shed light on the unexplored side of mobility.
Exploring family relationships in music feels important. Each song could touch on a different facet of “leaving home” — some deep in reflection like the one I just wrote, and others alive with the joy of self-discovery. And a few upbeat tracks that tell fascinating stories passed down through generations of my family.
Because ultimately, this isn't just my story. It's about anyone who's ever packed a bag, said goodbye, or carved a different path. If these songs can make even one person feel less alone in that journey, then that's a success to me.
The album concept is still materializing for me. I’d love to hear if any readers have input on this below in the comments.
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Thanks for letting me get personal with y’all this week. It was a toughie to write but toughies are often the goodies, right?
These are your best lyrics so far, that I've heard. Super well put, relatable enjoyable to read, as always <3
love the anecdote about your parents reading to you every night! is so true how that love for book just transfers to us xx