A poem on the tension between love and control

And the courage it takes to release something once held precious

Hello there darlings.

This week, I want to share a poem that I’ve named, “Jar Collector.” I wrote the original version a couple of years ago. Recently, I amended it.

All is to say, this poem continued to unfold for me as I learned and released and grew again. Here, I read it out loud:

JAR COLLECTOR

I
Why do I keep a love expired?
If only I were brave 
To pour what little remains
Down the kitchen drain
But I’m still here
Licking the lid

II
Why do I keep so many lids?
To so many jars
With so many labels, so hard
To scrape off with my fingernails 

I’ll choose the cleanest one for you, my new Firefly
But who’s the captor, you or I?

To contain or to be contained?
Well, I’ve known both
I was best kept warm 
I was best kept choked
My jar chipped away until it broke

I don’t like your hair that way
I think it’s time for you to shave
I don’t like that shirt – go change
Change? 
Change

III
But I like you, Firefly – I like you a lot
And I don’t want to spoil what we’ve got
So I graze my thumb along the glass
Until the day I let it all collapse
To bury my fingernails in your hair
And smell the black t-shirt you always wear 

Because I like you this way
Don’t change
I like you this way
If I keep the lid open, will you fly away?

Cause I’ve kept so many lids 
To so many jars
With so many labels, so hard
To scrape off with my fingernails
But I’d throw it all away 
For you

IV
And it all felt all better
To be uncontained
And it all felt all better
All until change – the most honest violence – again came

When I said I’d throw it all away for you
You didn’t want that, and I didn’t too 

You told me I could do it 
You told me to be brave 

Together, we poured what little remained

Down 
The
Kitchen 
Drain

But I’m still here 
Collecting something…
Licking the lid 
And tasting nothing

Thanks for being here and reading my work… Much love,